I would also include major financial or work related amends that may result in losing your job, or create heavy financial difficulties for the family. These should be put off until everyone involved is in agreement, and then, only after talking to someone to make sure that you are not overlooking anything. For instance, imagine a scenario where you’ve harmed a former partner who has since moved on and found peace. Contacting this person to make amends might disrupt their tranquility or even cause emotional turmoil.
Recovery Stories
Engage in self-care activities, journal about your feelings, or discuss the situation with a trusted individual, such as your accountability partner. While making amends, remember that those you’ve harmed have their own journey, and their reaction may not align with your expectations. They may not be ready to accept your amends, or they may react with anger, sadness, or indifference.
Individualized Treatment
- It’s an opportunity to confront your past actions, learn from them, and foster self-forgiveness.
- The spiritual principle involved is that of forgiveness, not only from others but forgiveness of self, which can bring healing to both parties.
- Many of us find it helpful to reflect on our amends after making each one.
- Apologizing is one thing, but go one step further (actually, the 9th step!) and make amends where you can.
- In many 12-step recovery programs, making amends is an important part of the process.
Remember, this is a Twelve Step process that can provide a platform for healing, but the person we are reaching out to may not be at the same place in healing as we are. We are only in control of our part—making and living the amends. As with alcohol and other drugs, we are also powerless over other people. We cannot control how others respond, whether they will forgive or whether they will hold on to negative feelings or resentments. However, even if you feel extremely motivated to make direct amends, it is advisable to take your time with this step.
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Remember, Step 9 is a journey in itself — one of understanding, accountability, and profound transformation. And just like every journey, it begins with a single, courageous step. It’s recognizing that your past does not define you and that genuine change is possible. It’s about releasing the guilt and shame that may have been holding you back and embracing the prospect of a healthier future. You can find a 12-step program by downloading the AA Meeting Guide app, which connects you to more than 100,000 meetings in person and online.
Understanding AA Step 9
Book Jason for speaking engagements, events or appearances and let him bring the message of recovery & hope. Many of us find it helpful to reflect on our amends after making each one. Some of us do this by writing about how it felt to make the amends and what we learned from the experience.
Step 9 of AA’s 12-step program directs people in recovery to take accountability for actions that may have harmed others and to make amends when possible. In Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), making amends is considered a crucial component of long-term recovery. An alcoholic in recovery first creates the list of individuals they have harmed during step eight and then divides the list into four categories. The four categories determine the manner in which the recovering alcoholic will express their amends. The recovery process builds upon each step in your sober journey. Thus, it only makes sense that step nine is a response to step living amends eight, which involves making a list of all the people that you have harmed and become willing to make amends to all of them.
The eighth step then helps the individual prepare to accomplish step nine. Before completing step nine, the recovering alcoholic needs to be ready to deliver their message with the best intentions, not motivated by false expectations. The reason why it is better to make amends earlier rather than later is based on experience and case studies. Many recovering alcoholics have relapsed when they allowed their fears to block them from completing step nine. For example, Dr. Bob, one of the original founders of the AA program, could not stay sober until he went around town and made amends to all those he had hurt.
Step eight is preparation for the action of step nine, which involves putting your recovery into action. Putting Step 9 into practice requires tact, respect, and a deep sense of humility. It’s important to approach each individual in a manner sensitive to their feelings and circumstances.
